justryinghere

To post or not to post ......

I thought I was happy to be here... I thought, I can write anything I heartfelt here & still continue to have that Normal life in out side world.. (or should I use the word 'escape' ?)... Life seemed perfect when I used to think about this second face.. All seemed very perfect... 

But there was a point I really wanted my these two lives to converge & they really did too... I was happy to receive the appreciation face to face.. sometimes I also did send the links of my blog to my near & dears... & sweet sounding bells ringing in my ears really made me feel at Cloud 9...Somewhere I felt content that an initiative which started just out of sheer curiosity had started giving me immense pleasure.. and after that I remember how happy & willing I was to write my full name at the end of every post...  Publishing posts & sharing my thoughts was something I was looking for every day.... Logging onto to this site & talk to you was my habit... but wait a sec... Why am I writing this in Past tense? Does this mean that I am no more willing to write here... Dose this mean that I no more want to share my experiences with you ? Does this mean that my life has now become so complete that I no more want to seek you suggestions for my problems? Well the answer is Clear No. In fact the problems always grow with time.. New complexities, new challenges.. Every time you conquer your current difficulties, new problem always stand in front of you with a mockish smile on its face .. Of course even I feel nervous when I see that smile .... I still want to share this all.. I still want to tell you my story.. But not with this Identity any more.... This blog was one my greatest pleasure but now a days I hesitate to write anything here.. I think there was an agreement of ‘Anonymous Identity’ & I myself have breached it.... I have breached it through talking about it.. I have breached it through writing my full name.. In short I have breached it by revealing my true identity…. & I realize this now that I shouldn’t have done this… Somewhere deeper in my heart there is now a fear.. This is a fear of incapability of giving justice to both these identities.... I don’t think I can do this anymore... I will continue writing & continue sharing my experiences but not here.. I don’t know if will be having another blog .. I don’t know if I again go back to my old diary... I don’t know anything... But all I know is I can not continue to have two faces, at least publicly... I am sorry to for taking this step but I genuinely feel no motivation to write here because now too many people know me by person.... The sole purpose of having a Masked Identity itself is lost... I know I have made many friend here.. Some very close.. All my readers are very kind to me.. I received lot of appreciation & encouragement & sometime a very healthy criticism too... My critics’ comment acted more like a push rather than pull.. I feel that have been evolving through my writing & will continue to.. But not through this blog...Hopefully we will meet very soon.... Till then, All the best!

Posted by Shweta Golatkar ( :) !!!!! )